Sunday, March 9th, 2014

Tonight I wrote a short memorial to my father on his Milliongraves.com site

Didn’t say much but there are good things about him and I tried to point that out

http://billiongraves.com/pages/record/FrankRonaldSmith/4708023

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On February 13th, 2014 I posted about rent being due the next day.

I’m in the same dire straights again, through my own doing. In 5 days rent will again be due and I have no way to get it

I’ve been paralyzed with fear for some time.

The church I had gone to helped me out with $300. I was able to pay the rent for March but I won’t go to them for help again. Not because they wouldn’t, it’s because I haven’t tried at all to help myself. I’m not worth being helped.

So I’m been doing a few things that I should get done. Make amends where possible, write a civil memorial for my father. Even ask someone’s forgiveness that I should have a long time ago. Took me all these years to find out I was at fault, too.

In 17 minutes it will be March 10th, and then perhaps it will be a better day

This morning I woke up angry at  God and blaming him for the mess I made of my life.

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